It wasn’t a G-rated moment. But – – it I suppose it was “good TV.”

As reported May 10, 2023, Hollywood actress Charlize Theron ripped off a doozy. She said, “I will f— anybody up who is, like, trying to f— with anything with” drag queens.

(Umm….just so you know, I cut and pasted that quote.)

At the time, Theron was being filmed on a ‘Drag Isn’t Dangerous’ telethon. Alongside several of her like-minded, blue-basted, low-IQ friends, she displayed little wisdom and loads of ignorance in telling concerned people to back off.

If brains were dynamite, Theron showed she didn’t have enough to blow her nose.

She was reacting to sensible efforts by lawmakers to pass laws that would prevent sexually depraved drag queen performances from being exposed to kids.

Sounds like a good plan to me.

But – as the news stories put it, Charlize Theron claimed there are plenty of other things that pose more danger to children than drag queens.

Sure, I guess. But how does one define “danger?”

Rubbing on some bacon fat and taking a solo late-night hike where I live in these remote and rugged foothills of Colorado is dangerous for sure. We have tons of cougars around here.

Theron also added that drag queens bring more happiness and love to the world.

AACK! UURGH! MMPH! (Anybody got a barf bag?)

There is SO much I could say at this point. I could talk about the way the Hollywood “elite” has become poster children for the self-absorbed, mentally challenged, low information, goose-stepping leftist masses. That’s worthy of an entire article by itself.

I could wax on about the narcissistic tendencies of those who have been given so much in return for contributing so little. I could point to myriads of studies that show the entertainment industry’s “elite” as being the real bottom feeders when it comes to good morals and sound judgement.

But, right now, I’m here to talk about parenting.

Charlize Theron is reacting as a parent (as much as she feels she is able to do that)……….and, well, so am I.

Parenting is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. Theron’s neanderthal and immature outbursts just underscore my need to make a few comments about this important issue.

What I’m about to say may rock your world – – but hey, deal with it. That’s not my problem.

I place the blame for nearly all the wayward, dysfunctional, ignorant, rudderless, depraved, lawless, artificial, detached, shallow, insecure, immoral, susceptible, anarchic, unruly, clueless, uncontrollable, anxious, violent, uninformed, unprincipled, lazy, disorderly, disconnected, unprepared, disrespectful, selfish, unscrupulous, lost, unrepentant, confused, stupid – (take a breath now, Steve) – hyper-medicated, dishonest, superficial, and corrupt kids at the feet of their parents.

If you want my brutally honest opinion – a lot of parents shouldn’t be.

I have friends who fall within the parameters of that last statement. I have family that do too.

Just because you can legally “put your pig in the parlor” doesn’t mean you are qualified to be a parent. Too many people figure if the plumbing works, then the responsibilities of rearing a child will take care of themselves.

Not!!!!!!

This article is already WAY too honest for a lot of you, and I’m guessing some of you have dropped off already. Things got “too close for comfort” for you in those earlier paragraphs.

My wife and I were married for 14 years before we had kids. You want to know why? We weren’t ready.

Here’s the truth. When I felt I was ready, she wasn’t. When she felt ready, I wasn’t. We both had to be on the same page.

We each had very dysfunctional upbringings.  That’s the understatement of the year, and there were huge wounds we each had to work through. There was so much we each had to overcome from our pasts. That took time, a lot of honest and hard conversation, and some genuine soul-searching.

When the right time came, we both knew it. We were both finally on the same page. We had no more disagreements about disciplining philosophy. We no longer argued about what mattered and what didn’t.

We both admitted to the same obligations and priorities. We both knew we wanted the same things. We became two horses pulling one chariot in one direction. It took a long time and a lot of effort to get there. Some people – mostly extended family – figured we’d never arrive.

Today, our two kids are thriving. Honestly, they’re totally hitting it out of the ballpark. They are both excelling at life, relationships, duties, careers, and personal confidence. They’re equipped with a wide range of life and work skills, as well as a strong base of values and wisdom. Each is thriving in their networks and opportunities. Each of them is showing in so many ways that they are wise and deep, in God’s Word, in their Christian walk, and in life.

Why?

Well – as just one case in point, when my son was about five years old, he fell asleep under a table – at a bar – after dancing with a lady we’d never met – at a rock concert. My daughter had already deflected passes from a homeless person by age eight. She’d served Thanksgiving dinner to scores of druggies and vagrants before she entered junior high. I could give you myriad examples just like these.

Here’s the bottom line: we didn’t shield our kids from the underbelly of life. We threw them into it instead. It was a deliberate choice we made, and it wasn’t easy.

Oh, trust me – we were there! We were right beside them the whole time. We watched as the drinks and drugs were offered, as the sleazeballs made their slimy comments, and as the language fell foul. We grimaced as folks around us vomited, demonstrated, paraded, cursed, shouted, and claimed genders they weren’t, “truth” that wasn’t, and entitlements they didn’t deserve. We chose to stay serene when crowds rallied behind obvious lies.

My kids saw it all. They watched us intently as much as we watched them.

To be honest, it wasn’t much different in the pews. We winced as pastors errantly claimed, “It’s all about the church now.” We writhed in discomfort as church leaders touted, “Wearing masks is a sign of worship,” and when they publicly stated, “Conservatives need to have more grace.”

We groaned as the truth of Biblical dispensationalism was attacked, as a two-state solution for Israel was advanced, as Bible prophecy was openly mocked, and as the Gospel was watered down to predictive, pabulum, and prescriptive parameters.

Instead, we took the high road and had our kids stay with us in deep Bible studies that were scholarly and adult oriented. They learned the value and skill of diverse generational interactions, and we rejoiced when they thrived in that setting.

Through it all, my wife and I reminded ourselves we were in this for the long haul. We were parents after all, and that role was never done. It amounted to a long-term defense against the world and a long-term defense against the modern church. None of it was going to be easy, and great personal sacrifice was required. It meant some of our own desires and dreams had to be moved to the back burner.

There’s a big difference between imperfect parents and imprudent parents. Everyone is in the first bunch, but some parents are completely pickled in the second group. It’s that latter group I’m addressing here.

I may offend some of you by being honest and saying what I am saying. I really don’t’ care. Truth is seldom easy to swallow. Here are six important lessons my wife and I have learned as parents:

DISCIPLINE THE ATTITUDE, NOT THE ACTION

Every wrong action follows a wrong attitude. What shows outside comes from what is inside. Ever see an infant scream in anger? Ever see a toddler throw a tantrum? Ever see a teen turn violent? Yes – you have.

My wife and I made the decision to identify and discipline wrong attitudes early – and I do mean EARLY. There are appropriate ways to do this. The “terrible two’s” can be the “terrific two’s” if a pattern of correcting wrong attitudes starts before that point. The teen years are wonderful and fulfilling if the child has already learned the foundations of understanding and controlling a wrong attitude.

Nearly every parent I know tries to discipline the action. That’s reacting AFTER the fact. There’s an underlying issue before that point. Deal with THAT and you’ll be addressing the REAL problem.

EXPOSE THEM TO THE WORLD.

I’ve alluded to this already, and this is a biggie. I believe one of the common mistakes good-intentioned (but “naïve”) parents make is they insulate their kids from the big, bad, awful world.

Why? THIS is the world they’re going to grow up in. There’s not another. So why not teach them early on how best to deal with it and live properly in it? Why not equip them and teach them good values and sound decision-making? This is just common sense.

I know MANY parents who refused their kids’ exposure to certain art, crowds, clothes, music, places, topics, businesses, people, and technology. They forced this myopic agenda on their kids through high school, and in some cases – even into college.

The downside is these kids inevitably figured out what happened. For many of them – as they faced life, friends, and decisions on their own, they were poorly equipped for much of it. A lot of these kids crashed and burned. They abandoned principles they were raised with, and they ended up resenting their parents. They discovered they had little legitimate foundation to deal with life.

My wife and I made the opposite decision. We decided to embrace opportunities to expose our kids to the “big, bad, awful world.” This started early. As I’ve already said, we tried to expose our kids to the underbelly of life. This was tactical. Every one of those events turned into productive family discussions about proper values, wise choices, discernment, God’s Word, and living life with balance. It was a chance for them to learn – and they did!

Today, nothing surprises my kids. They make good choices because they’ve seen what bad ones are. It’s part of the reason they are succeeding in a rough and tumble world where other kids are not.

MAKE THEM FIT INTO YOUR LIFE.

A classic mistake many parents make when they have kids is they stop everything. Their whole world now pivots around the new arrival. Bad move!

Kids are naturally wired to be selfish, so don’t feed that inclination. They’ll figure out quickly how to manipulate you if you orbit around them continuously. Kids need to learn early on that they are PART of a much larger world, and they need to fit into that bigger picture graciously.

You don’t need to teach a child how to be a kid. They already know how to do that. What they need to learn is how to be an adult, and that training starts early.

It is important to teach your children to fit into YOUR life, to conform to routines that may not necessarily be focused on them, and to prune out the selfish tendencies that all kids naturally manifest. The earlier kids learn that life does not revolve around them, and they cannot always get what they want, the better they will turn out as adults.

DON’T TRY TO MAKE THEM WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE.

This was a big and bad mistake for me in my own upbringing. It was probably truer than not for my wife.

Some parents cling to certain ideals for their kids, and they won’t accept anything different. From the moment their kids are born, some parents dream about them being doctors, lawyers, and scientists. Some parents start socking away money for Doctorate programs at their alma mater when the pregnancy test comes back positive. Some parents fantasize that their daughter will be tall, thin, and model-like – or that their son will be a star athlete and look like a pro bodybuilder. Problems come when the daughter ends up short and wide, or when the son can’t pick up a basketball without somebody blowing a whistle.

Trying to make your kids something YOU want, or YOU understand – when they may be wired to be quite different – is one of the most destructive decisions a parent can make. Unfortunately, this is a common mistake.

MANY kids do not feel they are truly loved and accepted because they are reminded in myriad ways that they do not measure up to their parents’ immature and unreasonable expectations.

GIVE THEM THE SKILLS TO SUCCEED.

The world is changing fast. What most parents faced when they were kids is totally different than what their kids will face.

This world isn’t Mayberry anymore; it’s Gotham. Some parents cannot accept that. It takes a sober-minded assessment to regard our times as they really are and to recognize where it’s all going.

Wisdom is needed to prepare your children for what’s ahead. A lot of parents fail here. The truth is they don’t care enough to take on the hard work that goes with making forward-thinking choices. We had three requirements of our kids by the time they graduated from high school. We felt diverse skills were needed for future success, and so we required our kids to be conversational in Spanish, they had to be preparing for a trade certification, and they had to choose a viable college degree.

My daughter became a Dental Assistant before she graduated from high school. She was the translator for a medical team from Boston University in Guatemala for two years while she did dental work in the jungles, and completed her bachelor’s degree in business administration. She is now pursuing her master’s in healthcare administration, and she’s a moving up quickly in a major healthcare system in Montana.

My son is not as gifted in languages as his sister, but he’s getting through the Spanish just fine. He has multiple certifications in welding. He’s also got his Class A CDL Driver’s License. Right now, he’s pursuing his Agribusiness Degree in parallel because he wants his own ranch someday. He’s a skilled rancher, horseman, cowboy – – – and the whole lot. He’s getting great offers all over the country because of who he is and what he’s done. It’s all come to him as the result of a lot of sacrifice and discipline.

None of this has been easy for the kids – – or for us. The study hours have been fierce and long. We’ve all had to multitask and make sacrifices, and both kids have worked demanding jobs while they go to school.

They are learning that life requires one to juggle multiple balls simultaneously. My wife and I have invested a lot of time and resources into giving our kids the skills to succeed. Neither of us received this same focus from our own parents. Our parents pursued their own interests and passions while their kids became a second thought. A lot of damage came from that, and we knew we needed to be different as we raised our children.

TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR FOUNDATIONS OF FAITH.

I’ll illustrate from our own experience. We discerned that many kids are separated from their parents in the church setting early on – and are essentially never returned to them from that point.

From nursery programs to children’s church, and from youth groups to college classes, many kids basically say “goodbye” to their parents when they enter the doors of a church. Families are separated by demographics all along the way.

This is just stupid and wrong! The problem is “church culture” has been elevated above Biblical basics. When so much of a child’s spiritual heritage is handed over to other people, programs, and processes, that child is vulnerable to not learning the things they most need to. They are even at risk of being taught things that are not true.

We kept our kids with us in the church service when they were babies. They behaved just fine. They have been part of the adult class I have taught for 16 years, and there they have learned to relate to families, other children, young adults, and the very elderly. It has been a very healthy social dynamic for them.

They’ve also been taught well. From the Old Testament to the New Testament, and from Creation to the End Times, my kids have learned to drink deeply from God’s Word. They know sound doctrine, proper interpretation, expository study, and the importance of the Gospel.

As I look back on the journey of raising my kids, I believe taking personal responsibility for our children’s foundations of faith has been THE MOST important thing my wife and I have done.

I’ll conclude by stating what I did at the outset. I acknowledge that I may have offended some of my readers by this article. That was not my intent. My parenting convictions are based on our experience and on the success of certain decisions.

I have shared those things in a way that may cause some parents to look more honestly in the mirror than they have done before. For many, this is a tall order. It’s much easier to be offended than to change – or even to admit the need to! But for others – particularly those of you that have young children, or those of you who are planning to have kids, my hope is something you have read here is helpful.

Raising kids is a great privilege. Watching them turn out well, strong, and Godly is an immeasurable joy.